If you don’t know what Ironface is, SHAME on you! But it’s not to late to fix this problem and repair that gaping hole in your life. Start here. From there, go visit twitch.tv/sourkoolaidshow, throw a sub at his face, and search his vods for more Ironface stories (trust me, they’re there).
Lastly, come back here and enjoy the fruits of my labor: the 3-part Ironface fanfic I wrote which was part inspired by DP of the SourKooliadShow, and part inspired by Ezekiel III cosplaying as a gender-fluid sexual gimp for Halloween one year.
One day, my crazy brain thought “what would happen if these two characters ever met in the same universe, face-to-face?” And my silly brain kept getting fun ideas about what exactly would happen that made me giggle out loud and made strangers look at me funny. Eventually, enough of these ideas piled up like a big giant shitberg in my brain and I decided that I needed to expel the thoughts in story form in order to finally get some peace. The story you’ll read below (or see, if you decide to watch the video instead) was the result.
In the downtown area of Hoboken, NJ, a political protest was in full swing. There were protesters and counter-protesters on both sides of the line, shouting and screaming and chanting and waving signs. The local police force was standing by, confident that they could handle the situation if anything went awry. It was chaos, but none of the incivility had erupted into violence…yet.
Little did they know that The Glitch Bitch was about to crash the party.
A 6′ tall, sexually ambiguous human figure began slowly sauntering out of the shadows. S/he was dressed in a tight leather gimp suit from head to toe. They brandished a long, nylon, steel-tipped whip that clinked along the asphalt as Glitch Bitch made a slow, menacing approach. The frothing protesters were so wrapped up in shouting at one another that nobody noticed.
At the edge of the crowd, Glitch Bitch found their first victim. An unnaturally low, almost robotic voice permeated the air and sent chills down everyone’s spine – including Chad. Before Glitch Bitch showed up, he was holding a tiki torch and shaking it angrily in the air with both hands. But when he heard that malevolent voice reach out to him from the darkness, he froze and turned toward the source of the voice. His eyes were wide with horror.
“I think someone needs to whip you into shape, you dirty, naughty little boy,” Glitch Bitch said right before striking. S/he yanked the whip in sweeping arcs above and below Chad. The razor-sharp tip of the whip sliced cleanly through his wrists and ankles, severing them from his body. Embers from the torch he was holding fell into his eye sockets, causing the young man’s eyeballs to literally melt and bleed down his cheeks.
“Dear GOD! What is that thing?!” Cried Jenny as Chad’s body crumpled into a twitching, shrieking heap at her feet. But this was a mistake. The noise Jenny made attracted the attention of Glitch Bitch.
Their leather catsuit squeaked noisily as Glitch Bitch tucked away the whip and pulled out a large, flat paddle. The business side of said paddle had a strange texture to it, like that of a meat tenderizer. “You look like the type of nasty little slut who enjoys a good spanking,” Glitch Bitch groaned before grabbing her by the hair and bending her over their knee.
Before Jenny could protest, Glitch Bitch started paddling her furiously with the rough side of the paddle. S/he hit Jenny so hard, the skin of her ass cheeks started staining her pants with fresh, crimson blood. Glitch Bitch shuddered with pleasure before letting go of Jenny’s hair and drop-kicking her back into the crowd.
By then, people had started stampeding away from the carnage in a panic. The cops began to notice the panic and wondered if something might be wrong. It wasn’t long before the throngs of people had cleared out enough for them to see the terrifying visage of Glitch Bitch sashaying in their general direction, whipping people to pieces left and right.
“Who the hell is she?” cried police commissioner Monroe.
“Don’t you mean ‘he’?” Officer Frank corrected him. He was a recent graduate of the police academy, and tonight was his first night on the job. Sadly, it was looking to be his last.
“I’ve heard it’s less offensive to use ‘they/their’ if you aren’t sure,” his senior partner, officer O’Brien added.
“Damn, pronouns are hard!” Officer Frank cried out in frustration.
“Not as hard as I am right now,” moaned Glitch Bitch. S/he raised a hand in the air and gave Officer Frank a concussive backhanded slap with a studded leather glove. The metal studs sank deeply into Frank’s face flesh, tearing huge, bloody gashes across his face. Those gashes would later heal into scary, badass scars which would get him a ton of pussy. Because chicks dig scars.
The police commissioner and his officers retreated a safe distance as Glitch Bitch turned to attack other protesters in the crowd. Once they were no longer in the murderous monster’s sights, the commissioner exclaimed “we can’t do this alone! We need backup!”
“But who can we call? The national guard? The army? The nuclear missiles?” O’brien asked, desperate for an answer.
Monroe shook his head sadly. “No. There’s only one person I know of who can take on a monster like that and live. We’re going to have to call…” and then he whispered a name under his breath that made his officers quake with fear.
[In another part of the city…]
Ironface was in the middle of a park, minding his own business, slowly choking 37 squirrels to death for fun. Suddenly, a bright light in the sky caught his attention. It stood out brightly against the low-hanging storm clouds. The signal was in the rough shape of a human face, but there was something oddly familiar about it. It had 14 screws in it: four on top, one in the middle, and four more below, with three and then two at last. Slits were cut for eyes where they would be on a normal human face. It was his face!
He was confused at first. Was that really his face in the clouds…or was it merely a trick of the light? Either way, it made him MAD. And it triggered his bloodthirsty urge to kill. He stomped angrily all over the squirrels, squishing them like wine grapes and leaving a bloody trail of squirrel fur and viscera as he marched toward the source of the light.
It wasn’t long before Ironface arrived at the scene. Seeing the carnage made him excited the way dead bodies usually do; on the other hand, he was angry that he wasn’t the one who had made them dead. He heard the crack of a whip from a short distance away and craned his neck to see where the noise was coming from.
When Ironface and Glitch Bitch made eye contact from across the carnage, it was bloodlust at first sight. They both instinctively knew they were in a stare down with a fellow cold-blooded killer. Each felt a momentary twinge of mutual respect and erotic stimulation before urges to kill flooded back into their twisted minds.
“I’m going to have fun making you into my newest little strumpet-trumpet!” Glitch Bitch hissed under their breath. With that, Glitch Bitch raised their whip hand high above their head, flinging it around like a helicopter blade. S/he then brought the whip down in a sweeping arc, knocking 14 people out of the way (including Steve and Karen). The shockwave of the whip hitting the ground cracked the asphalt in a straight line which ended at Ironface’s feet.
Ironface started bounding toward Glitch Bitch, unintentionally crushing a protestor’s skull under the weight of his spiked boot like an M&M. He then launched himself 12 meters in the air, barrel-rolling toward Glitch Bitch head-first.
Glitch Bitch reacted quickly. S/he cracked their whip in the air and wrapped the end of it around Ironface’s neck, pulling him off to the side and slamming him down into the asphalt. Ironface was unscathed save for a tiny drop of crimson that the steel tip of the whip pricked from his neck.
Nobody makes me bleed my own blood Ironface thought, seething with hatred under his mask. He grabbed the whip and pulled Glitch Bitch toward him, wrapping his massive muscular hand around their slender, delicate throat. Then he began to squeeze.
Glitch Bitch quickly pulled out a pair of nipple clamps and twisted them onto Ironface’s chest until his nipples began to bleed. Ironface started squeezing their throat even harder, bringing Glitch Bitch’s face within an inch of his. Glitch Bitch could feel the metallic sting of Ironface’s hot breath penetrating their nostrils.
“Choke me harder, daddy” Glitch Bitch insisted, bloodshot eyes bulging from their sockets as tears begin to roll down their cheeks.
A line of policemen and the police commissioner stood by dumbfoundedly as the two killers faced off. Their mouths were agape with equal amounts of horror, awe, and disgust. Finally, commissioner Monroe broke the silence.
“It may have been a mistake to call for help from Ironface,” he sighed.
“Ya think?!” cadet Jared cried frustratedly.
Suddenly, a large brigade of state troopers showed up, their vehicles screeching to the scene with sirens blazing. They were followed by armored vehicles filled with Space Force marines. 50 caliber machine guns were mounted on the top of all 5 vehicles.
Ironface released Glitch Bitch from his grip and turned to face this new development. Glitch Bitch crumpled to the ground for a moment before getting up and brushing themselves off, an aroused smile on their face. They then picked their whip back up off the ground and took a step forward, standing shoulder-to-shoulder with Ironface.
Glitch Bitch looked at the newcomers, then looked back at Ironface with a penetrative stare. “Shall we?” s/he purred. Ironface gave them a small, solemn nod.
With that, Glitch Bitch and Ironface turned to face their foes and charged into battle. Glitch Bitch once again helicoptered their whip and slammed it down onto the road with terrifying force. The shock wave rippled through the street, flipping all of the highway patrol cars and turning 3 armored vehicles on their sides once it hit. The exposed highway patrol officers fled in terror into the darkness. Urine stains started snaking down their pants as they ran.
The Space Force marines were not so easily intimidated. Two of them hopped onto the remaining 50 cal machine guns and began firing with a vengeance. The other soldiers pulled out their lazer blasters and did the same. Their leader, Corporal Gonzaga, whipped out an ultrasonic electric nightstick and started slowly approaching Ironface in a defensive stance.
Ironface stepped in front of Glitch Bitch, protecting them from the 50 cal bullets by using his mask as a shield. The mask became molten-hot from the barrage of bullets; but the pain only fueled Ironface’s rage. The guns were firing so fast and so furiously that they began to melt into the Space Force marines’ hands. The liquid metal melted their flesh and they fell to the ground, screaming in agony.
The screams were music to Glitch Bitch’s ears. “Stop it, you’re making me horny!” Glitch Bitch cooed at them before turning to face Corporal Gonzaga.
“I’m glad you came prepared. I love it when one of my little skanks brings their own toys to the party,” s/he said, sensually rubbing their hand down the side of their leather catsuit as they reached for their riding crop. But it wasn’t just any riding crop. The crop’s tongue was made of sandpaper instead of traditional leather. It was crafted from the coarsest grade of sandpaper Glitch Bitch could find at Home Depot that day.
“I’ll spank you with mine if you promise to spank me with yours,” Glitch Bitch suggested, flashing their eyebrows lasciviously.
Corporal Gonzaga swung his electric baton at Glitch Bitch’s knee. Glitch Bitch flinched at the last second, absorbing the blow with their calf. “Oh Jesus! Jesus Christ!” Glitch Bitch cried excitedly as the electric shocks danced up and down their body.
Ironface turned around and punched Corporal Gonzaga in the side of his head. He punched him so hard, he shattered every bone in Gonzaga’s left ear, rendering him instantly def. He then grabbed Corporal Gonzaga by his crotch and his throat, lifted him high into the air, and brought the Space Force marine down across his knee. The force of the blow snapped Gonzaga’s spine like a twig. He then roughly dropped the corporal to the ground in a mangled heap. It was pretty obvious that Gonzaga was dead.
“That was so hot! My codpiece is soaked right now,” Glitch Bitch said breathlessly. The commissioner, who was hiding among a pile of dead bodies for camouflage, secretly wondered to himself soaked with what?
But he didn’t dare utter the question out loud.
Glitch Bitch and Ironface locked eyes with one another again, triumphant smiles on their faces (although you couldn’t see Ironface’s). “Let’s go back to my place and do butt sex stuff to each other” Glitch Bitch suggested, leering at Ironface with a sensual, predatory stare.
Ironface gave Glitch Bitch a playful pat on the ass which, due to his super-strength, launched Glitch Bitch a foot into the air and caused them to fall flat on their face.
Glitch Bitch recovered quickly, turning to look back up at Ironface coquettishly while licking the blood off of their teeth. Ironface helped them up, and the two stone cold killers walked hand-in-hand into the blood-red sunset.