Adventure #5: Oh No! We’re Trapped In Wal-Mart

Spoiler alert: this story isn’t finished yet. But reading the beginning of it all these years later, I’m intrigued by the concept that my younger self set up. If you’re also intrigued, hit me up on twitter and let me know that you want a middle and an end to this bad boy. OR hit me up and let me know that just because I’m a pretentious narcissist doesn’t mean that every garbage idea which spews forth from my defunct brain deserves to be published online. Either way, the feedback will be appreciated!


One late Saturday night, Ahsley and Kym were returning home from a late movie at Peacock Springz Mall, when they decided to get some cheese sticks from the local Wal-Mart for a late night snack before going home, very late that night. They were supposed to be spending the night at Ahsley’s house anyway, and Ahsley’s parents were out of town for some biker thing, so it’s not like they would’ve gotten in trouble for breaking curfew.

So there they were, waiting for the fried sticks of cheese to fatten themselves up with, when they heard over the loud speaker:

“Five minutes, five minutes to close. Everyone please vacate the store.”

“What? Who ever heard of a Wal-Mart closing?” Ahsley asked, confused.

“Yeah, I thought they were supposed to stay open 24 hours,” Kym added.

“Well then again, this is Hicksville Oklahoma,” Ahsley said thoughtfully.

“Four minutes, four minutes to close. Everyone please vacate the store,” the mysterious voice repeated.

“So did you see the first episode of survivorz 3?” Kym asked.

“No. Hey, where are they located this time?” Ahsley asked curiously.

“This season, it’s ‘Survivorz 3: The Mexican Ghetto’,” Kym announced excitedly. “Hey, do you still watch that Tempted To Sleep Around On Your Significant Other Island show?”

“Yeah, but it’s all gone downhill since they took the show from an actual island setting to a Las Vegas Brothel,” Ahsley said dissapointedly.

“Ten seconds, ten seconds to close. Please vacate the store. If you haven’t left yet, RUN! RUN BEFORE ITS TOO LATE! RUN LIKE YOU HAVE NEVER RUN BEFORE! RUN NOW OR FACE A PAINFUL AGONIZING DEATH! AAAAAAAH!” The mysterious voice boomed over the loud speaker.

“Hmm, what do you suppose they meant by that?” Ahsley asked Kym.

“Prolly that we’re gonna face an agonizing, painful death if we don’t leave now,” Kym suggested.

“Hmm,” Ahsley pondered thoughtfully, “that’s what I thought too,” she concluded, taking a loud, annoying slurp of the last bit of Dr. Pepper in her Dixie cup.

All of a sudden,

Click here if you like what you just read (and want to throw a little something in my virtual busker hat)