This is one of many abandoned babies from the DMfiat.com days. I wrote a satirical news column for the site called “Loaded 20” – I was basically the Andy Borowitz of one of the most popular gaming-themed websites on the internet at the time. Sadly, the site isn’t around anymore. But I held on to all the fake news articles I wrote for posterity.
HOLLYWOOD, CA – News broke recently that Peter Dinklage (of Game of Thrones fame) has been cast in the upcoming X-Men movie Days of Future Past. However, fans of the X-Men universe may not get to see him play beloved character and fictional Little Person, Puck, as many had hoped. Not if the ACLU gets their day in court, that is.
After the casting decision was made, the American Civil Liberties Union in conjunction with LPA Inc (Little People of America) filed a motion to bar 20th Century Fox from letting Dinklage play the role of a little person superhero. The reason behind their legal action, explained one ACLU spokesman, was that casting little people in roles where they play little people highlights their disability in a disparaging and stereotypical light.
“Gay actors play straight roles all the time,” he continued, “so if we’re going to gain the mainstream acceptance and equality the way the LGBT community has, we need to start pushing Hollywood to cast little people in normal-sized roles.”
Instead of a “normal-sized” role, however, the ACLU and LPA have suggested that Mr. Dinklage play the role of either Bishop, Colossus, or Cable. So far, Cable is the leading favorite due to the fact that either constructing a real life iron-man style Cable costume or digitally altering Dinklage’s size would provide several much-needed jobs during these hard economic times.
And the LPA isn’t the only special interest group jumping on the affirmative action bandwagon. Several feminist advocates are campaigning to have the role of Wolverine re-cast with a female actress due to the lack of strong females in the X-Men universe and the fact that Wolverine, as depicted in the movies, is an offensively token expression of outdated “alpha-male” toxic masculinity. UFC president Dana White is rumored to be courting 20th Century Fox to consider either Ronda Rousey or Liz Carmouche for the role.
Additionally, LGBT advocates have taken a break from seeking equal rights under the law to petition the studio and have Jubilee re-cast with a transexual actor. Several past contestants of the popular reality show Rupaul’s Drag Race are being considered, but have not yet commented on the issue.
When asked whether or not the fact that Cable isn’t present in the Days of Future Past canon would delay production, Brian Singer didn’t seem to be worried about it, and even went so far as to berate one reporter for suggesting that canon had any place in a Hollywood production. “We could replace Rachel with him, or shoehorn a time-traveling arc into the plot,” Singer explained. “Fanboys love time-traveling plots.”